“So, like: I pass by my co-worker’s desk and share a 5-sentence discourse or so, and my boss chastises me, telling me that “his new policy” is “no cheh-tting.”
I have to repeat this word, chatting, in plain English to my grandmother, who giggles at my impersonation of my boss’s thick accent, as I continue: “And I’m like, ‘You’re really gonna micromanage me like that?’ So, I said, “Fine. I don’t wanna catch you asleep at your desk anymore.”
On the other end of the phone, my grandmother erupts into laughter and I can’t help but laugh, too — except I’m still giggling at the fact that a man who snoozes where employees can see him would have any place to tell me I couldn’t share a few words with a coworker on my way to the bathroom.
When we calm down, she asks me, referring to my snarky reply to my boss’s chastisement, “What did he say?”
I tell her that my boss’s reply was like an encounter with my pre-adolescent son: “Whaddya mean?” (Translation: Busted), to which I couldn’t stop myself from replying, “I don’t know how to say it any plainer than that,” I said, as I dramatically slowed down my speech: I…don’t…want…to …see…you…asleep…at…your…desk.”
This sent my grandmother into another fit of laughter, which egged me on to tell her more: “I mean, he was upset with me for telling a customer that I agreed with the customer that the way the company was handling the customer was wrong.”
I paused for a minute to prepare for the truth and spoke again in a Valley Girl lilt, “Well, I may have actually said something like ‘Oh, you already talked to so-and-so and they won’t help you? Well, his orders come from The Boss, and I literally have no pull here, so I can already tell you that I’m 99% sure I won’t be able to help you,’ or ‘We don’t really believe in ‘customer service’ here.'”
Grandma laughed harder than I’ve heard her laugh in awhile, and we joked about the this experience being one more to add to a growing list of Things Jill Shouldn’t Have Said To People She Shouldn’t Have Said Them To.
Dear Reader: Before you go feeling sorry for this guy: Don’t. He was a shady businessman who gave people raises and arbitrarily took them away, fired a man the day after his mom died, took away stipends he paid to independent sales reps, kept the office at a toasty 84-degrees, and half the time rolled into the office without brushing his teeth or changing his outfit from the day before.
So, yeah: He was a disgusting beast and a useless boss.